Let’s imagine for a moment that self-doubt is this cute little puppy named Tuffy.

Now having a little puppy lick you on the side while you finish your dream project is sweet. Tuffy is healthy to have when he stops you from crossing the fine line between self-confidence and arrogance.

He’s useful when he stops and makes you polish your work and enhance its effectiveness.

But soon, he starts to yell at you, petrify you.

“You should never send this out. Read it yourself. It totally sucks. Everyone’s going to laugh when you send this out”, barks Tuffy.

Just when you pride yourself in having healthy relationships, Tuffy bites your partner. Your boss praises you but you cannot hear him because…Tuffy keeps woofing in your ear.

Have you ever found Tuffy’s hair on your suit before a big presentation? No one will spot it but you cannot unsee it.

Tuffy doesn’t stroll in the parks like normal puppies. He likes to go on a walk with you in the examination hall.

You can see him, licking and breathing heavily as you write that book you’ve always wanted to.

Sounds similar?

We all carry Tuffy around in our heads. Successful owners of great running businesses, recognized artists, CEOs, your Facebook friend who has the perfect life because he has the money to travel everywhere – all of them have Tuffy in their lives too.

If you come home and feed this sweet monster puppy, he’s going to grow into a German Shepherd and eat everything you ever dream of.

“But I’m a dog person”

Whatever man, Tuffy haunts everyone.

Heck, Tuffy even makes you question if you were ever worthy of what you have achieved.

What do you do when a puppy has powers to hinder your life? Make you feel uncertain, un-confident and afraid? Makes you overthink everything you’ve done and wonder whether you’ll ever be good enough?

Look at him. Lying around, making you feel like a loser. But don’t you worry.

Let’s give this puppy something to cry about!

1. Accept That Tuffy Is Never Leaving

When I was a kid, I was afraid of dogs (TBH, I still am). Whenever I went to my best friend’s house, I was horror-struck at seeing her female dog (a bitch, no offense) sitting in the same bed as us.

I hated it when she smelled me.I hated it when she came so close. I would become restless and try to run away.

That’s when my best friend gave me an important life advice. “It’s better if you let her smell you, recognize you, come near you. The more you try escaping your fears, the more they come after you”,she said.

I called her a bitch and stood still like a mannequin.

But after a while, she went away herself. That’s when I realized that our little Tuffy is just like that.

Tuffy won’t go away, ever.

So, what can you do?

Accept that Tuffy may pop up at any time unannounced. But don’t push him away. Once you do that, he’ll pop up face-close the next time.

Let Tuffy smell you. Sometimes it’ll howl and yelp and lick your ears as well. Let him do his thing and then you can move on without paying heed to his barking.

“Tuffy keeps howling at me that I’m not good enough, but fuck it, I know better than him. I know I can do it”, say to yourself.  

If you run away from dogs in fear, they chase you more, right? But what do you do when Tuffy takes up all the room in your brain and keeps coming back and forth on your lap? You ask him, hey, where have you been?

2. Where Is Tuffy Coming From?

Let’s imagine for a moment that Tuffy is coming to visit you – unexpectedly, of course.

Now, try to find out where he had been all this time.

Was he locked up in a time where you were miserable because you failed at something and kept sabotaging yourself? Does he mince words of someone close that had hurt you in the past?

All of your insecurities have a root cause. Tuffy smells like the past, a rotten extinct thing you cannot let go of.

The Tuffy that keeps visiting me has the fragrance of people who have told me that I suck at what I do. When my Tuffy barks, it feels like he’s repeating the words someone had said to me four years ago.

To try and limit the time Tuffy spends with me, I try to practice mindfulness. I realize that the he is coming from the past, and not the present.

Once you have found that Tuffy is not rational because he mostly talks of the past, you can stop making fear-induced decisions. You won’t allow Tuffy to help you procrastinate and validate your insecurities.

Because let’s accept it, if you listen to Tuffy, you’re going to be fucked up. The guy sucks. He leaves you bummed most of the time when he visits.

But maybe sometimes you do listen to what Tuffy says, and oh-oh, sometimes you agree and get pissed at yourself.

Before you trash talk yourself about what Tuffy the self-doubt puppy monster said to you, let me ask; What’d you do if Tuffy shows up at a loved one’s door?

3. When Tuffy Bites Your Darlings

What would you say to your friend, partner or family member if he or she was bit by Tuffy?

Thought of it? Great. Now say those words to yourself.

Studies have proven again and again that self-compassion is positively correlated with a positive psychological health.

I know it’s not that easy. But when something goes wrong, what you do defines the frequency of your sessions with Tuffy later on. More often than not, we’re our worst critics.

If you feel inadequate and tell yourself that you’re a failure and you’re not good enough, Tuffy is going to get the hang of it and repeat it to you for months.

So what do you do? How do you stop being plagued by self-doubt monster puppy Tuffy? Just ask yourself this:

“What’d you do if Tuffy showed up at someone else’s door?”

Maybe you give them a tight hug. You tell them that you believe in them. Maybe you remind them how far they’ve come. Now, just repeat those for yourself.

It sounds cheesy, I know. But self-compassion is a no side effect medicine for eliminating the Tuffy disease. It’s worth it if it gets that dog out, right?

Apart from self compassion, there’s another antidote to Tuffy – your achievements.

4. Honor Your Achievements

I’m guilty of learning this method a little too late myself. But hey, better late than never, right?

Make it a ritual to write your goals AND your achievements. It’s important to move forward. But it’s equally important to be thankful for where you are right now.

Honoring your achievements might sound trivial, but it’s pinnacle for your happiness and productivity. If you see how far you’ve come, it’s hard to doubt that you cannot move ahead.

Cross off items in your to-do list only to rewrite them as “My Accomplishments.”

And please add anything else to the list you pride yourself in. Make them visible. Give yourself credit for anything you’ve achieved.

Next time when Tuffy visits you with a list full of reasons why you’re not good/smart/competent/worthy enough, flash him with a list of your accomplishments.

Seeing that, he’ll grind his teeth, squeeze his eyes and leave. That’s how you looked as a child when you had a tablespoon of cough syrup.

But what if Tuffy is the pet of someone close to you?

5. Notice Patterns Of Tuffy’s Footprint

Where do you find Tuffy’s footprint the most?

Is it outside a friend’s house who you dread meeting? Is it outside your boss’ cabin who never gave you a compliment?

Sometimes the ones closest to you can hamper your self-confidence by constantly criticizing you.

Don’t get me wrong. I love feedback. As much as they suck, they improve me. But if you tell me there’s something wrong with me every time I come to you, it’s a goodbye.

The people you surround yourself with have a lasting impact on you. If you notice Tuffy barking at you every time you meet someone, maybe consider letting them go.

Life’s too short to have a relationship with Tuffy’s owners.

What do you do when Tuffy visits you? Tell me in the comment section below!

A book loving girl of 5 has now figured out that books don’t just pop out of heaven, but that people write them.

And these people are called, writers.

After knowing this, her destiny is changed. She knows she wants to be a writer and that she needed to be a writer and that she was born to write.

At 16, she pledged and vowed to God that she’ll write all her life and never, ever give up this vocation.

From the beginning, this little girl knew that all she wanted to do in life was write.

She got a day job as a diner waitress and worked all day and then came home smelling like other people’s french fries. And then, the waitress got to her real work: Writing.

Rejection letter after rejection letter kept pouring in. Until, one fine day, she published her first book.

Yet, it wasn’t like she can rely on her art to pay her bills. She continued her day job even after her third book was published.

But with her fourth book, she got her break. It was a massive success. People kept talking about her and her writing. Her struggle was recognized and seen as an inspiration to “never, ever give up.”

Then, people started to ask her to come and inspire other people. She went on stage and kept preaching every single time: Follow your passion. Follow your passion. Follow your passion.

But does this knowing-what-you-want-to-do-with-your-life-at-kindergarten happen often?

At 5, I wanted to be an astronaut. At 8, a teacher. I joined a music class at 11 and all I dreamed of was becoming a singer and performing concerts.

At 13, I was all into Science and wanted to be a doctor. But I chose to study Accounts, Economics and Mathematics at 15. Then, I switched my college major to Psychology.

Most of us don’t know what do we want to do with our lives even after we’ve graduated college. In your 20s, your career aspirations change by the hour.

Every adult goes through this phase where he or she struggles to find their “life purpose” or their “passion” or their “calling.”

What do adults like you and me do when we struggle with this existential crisis?

We listen to motivators like that little girl who has “made it.” We find stories of people who never gave up and became an “overnight success.”

People who just came into the world and announced, “This is what I’ll be doing for the rest of my life” and stuck to it.

Maybe another tab is open in your browser about an under resourced small town boy who made it to Harvard.

But let me tell you right away something that you’re soon going to realize: It’s possible not to have a single “passion”. It’s possible that there is no “one thing” you were born to do.

When you realize this, you’re going to get pissed off at everyone who told you otherwise. You’re going to regret buying those quick fix solutions about chasing your passion and hurl abusive YouTube comments at people who told you “If you can dream it, you can have it.”

Just like you, a woman was pissed of at the successful writer we’ve been talking about. She looked for some guidance that does not paraphrase the same “passion” bullshit she has heard all her life.

After that passionate writer wounded up repeating the same things, she went and wrote a letter to her on Facebook out of frustration.

At that time, she had no idea she’s altering Elizabeth Gilbert’s beliefs drastically.

Gilbert has made the mistake of assuming that everyone has a passion and everyone can find it and pursue it with fire in their bellies and a soul-revolution in their rib cages.

The author of Eat, Pray, Love, comes on to stage and apologizes for the millions of people she has left behind when she urged people to “follow your passion.”

The World Is Divided Into Two Kinds Of People

Do you believe that the world is divided into two kinds of people?

People with 24654 unread emails and people who check their mail every 20 minutes. People who set their alarms to 8:00AM and people who set it to 8, 8:15, 8:30 and 8:45. People who open Chrome and a new tab opens and people who open Chrome and 30 tabs start loading.

But there’s also another not-so-funny and non-tumblr category of people.

Gilbert calls these people jackhammers and hummingbirds. Archilochus, the Greek poet, called them hedgehogs and foxes.

A fragment of Archilochus’ poem, goes like this: “The fox knows many things but the hedgehog knows only one thing.”

Hedgehogs and jack hammers are the specialists. They have unwavering central focus and never-dying passion for what they do.

But this deep ended knowledge of just one subject makes their perspectives narrower. They do simplify problems. But their solutions are derived from a limited source, which makes their predictions less reliable.

Biologically speaking, the hedgehogs species are less adaptable to change. But in the real world, they succeed because of their strength to concentrate.

Who are these hedgehogs and jackhammers? The gynecologist you go to when you have an itch. The PhD psychologist who can relate your itch to the brain traps.

These are the people who know more and more about less and less. These are writers like Gilbert and dedicated artists who have been practicing since they were at a single digit age.

And you need them, whether you accept that or not. You’d rather go to a cardiologist when you have a stroke rather than a physician, right?

But we also have the foxes and hummingbirds, who are the generalists.

These are the people that learnt to draw a human body but not the face. The people who can be your plumber on a Sunday and the one who makes DIYs on YouTube. These are the people that have led their lives following not their passion, but their curiosity.

They have switched jobs and studied, experimented, learnt multiple things. The generalists tend to form their perspectives based on the plethora of experiences that they had in their lives.

They know that just one “big idea” is not responsible for any outcome. Their predictions involves multiple causes and a pinch of luck – they are mostly right.

Biologically, foxes are flexible to change. They’re openness to learn new things allow them to thrive in any kind of environment.

Foxes know that a happy life is a balance of fulfilling work, good relationships, healthy body and everything else.  

Who are these hummingbirds and foxes? These are the top-rated CEOs who need to manage work, people and innovation. The manager who needs to listen to the labor forces and also understand his boss.

These are artists like Da Vinci who not only painted the Mona Lisa but was also a genius in engineering, botany, history, mathematics and literature. He was, in fact, notorious for holding thousands of different jobs in his lifetime.

You might know Shakespeare as only a writer but he possessed an extraordinary knowledge in agriculture, Latin and politics too.

So, which one could you be?

The Generalized Hedgehog

The modern world requires you to excel in something. You’ve got to choose a major in college and study, perform, work in one specific field for the rest of your life.

But if you’re anything like me, one profession doesn’t quench your thirst for a happy life.

And also, if you stay in only your core competency, you’re only going to get diminishing returns. The value of your specialization might go on decreasing as innovations in technology increase.

I don’t mean that you should drop out of your college and do different jobs and barely survive. I urge you to do is find a sweet spot.

Try to find something that interests you other than your specialization. Learn about its key ideas and get back to your specialization.

Instead of killing your curiosity, try to nurture it. 

Maybe you already have a job, a PhD and something that you excel at. And if it serves you, please keep at it.

But bring along your curiosity. If something sparks up your interest, go ahead and learn it. Have wonderful new experiences. With the internet, doing all this in a budget and according to your time is so much easier.

You know what’s gonna happen once you do that?

Da Vinci’s knowledge about botany and mathematics glorified some of his paintings. He applied them rigorously into his specialized art.

Shakespeare’s writing was greatly influenced by his grip over agriculture and politics.

Gilbert, in her hummingbird speech, also mentions that generalized specialists carry their experiences around from tree to tree, from flower to flower, pollinating everywhere.

This makes their lives blossom with flowers and makes them excel and stand out in their area of expertise. It’ll make you see something you saw daily with new eyes.

And what have you got to lose, anyway? You didn’t pledge allegiance to any one interest. You didn’t commit lifelong practice to it or quit your job.

If you find it too hard, just read a book about something that you’ve been curious for.

So, tell me, what new thing are you going to approach next?

Relationships, fulfilling work, exercising, gratitude- all these are some of the common things that contribute to your happiness.

But sometimes the little things make the biggest difference. There are some tiny unnoticeable things we do that spark joy – without us even noticing it. These things are the granola to your breakfast parfaits and garlic to your curries.

What I’m saying is, they’re super easy to apply and super healthy to use!

A total win-win, right?

1. Self-love Or Selfless-giving

What do you do when you feel sad or upset? Do you preach self-love and buy yourself something fancy?

Maybe you binge on a potato chips packet until you’re elbow deep into it. Maybe you binge on something else, like Netflix and finish out 28 one hour episodes in 5 days (Yup, not guilty of doing that, at all).

Whatever you do, you spend some money on yourself to make yourself feel better. And I’m all in for it. You need to allow yourself to relax and enjoy sometimes – it shows you love yourself.

Unless it becomes a habit and starts hurting your health. Self-love is all good and necessary until it reaches to the point that you become obese and unproductive.

So, the next time you feel disheartened, maybe you could try spreading some love instead of keeping it just for yourself. Share those potato chips and become obese together!

No, just kidding. Share some broccoli.

In a recent experiment, participants were divided into two groups and given equal amount of money. One group was asked to spend it on themselves and others were asked to spend it on someone they know.

And what do you know? Generosity and happiness have a neural link.

The people who had committed to spend this money on someone else were found to be more happier. Not just happy in the moment, but their overall long term well being was also improved.

I’m not asking you to buy a diamond ring for your mother and drums for your friend. Something as simple as buying flowers for your spouse is also a sign of giving.

Or go to your parents and make them dinner. Buy your friend a book he’s wanting since long. Donate to a street musician. Listen to him for a while. Smile at your neighbor. Ask your mailman how he’s doing. 

You see? Money is not important at all. The important thing is time, effort, attention and most of all, a little love.

The next time you think the best way to make yourself feel better is to buy yourself a treat, consider the opposite. It’s worth a shot – making someone smile.

2. Slip On Dusty Photo Albums

How about you spend the dull days swapping through those photo albums?

Do you remember playing teacher with 50 imaginary students? Do you know you ate flour raw as a toddler? And see, it’s your graduation day. Everyone looks so happy bumping into the real world – which sucks, but we’re gonna love it anyway!

It’s bittersweet, I know. You remember happy times which kinda make you sad it’s over but happier that it happened, you all know what I’m saying?

But apart from reviving happy memories, nostalgia helps you develop a more positive outlook for your future.

It’s obvious, isn’t it? You hop on a roller-coaster, travel back in time and when you’re on your ride back, you see how far you’ve come.

Seeing this assures you that you can make it ahead as well. It makes you look positively at your future with confidence. You believe you’re worthy and capable of having an optimistic destiny.

Clear off the dust from the album shelf and jump inside the roller-coaster ride. Remember those stories you created. Look how dreamy it all looks.

Can’t find photo albums?

No problem. Pick up your phone and dial to your oldest friend. Talk about that class you bunked to create the memories you remember. Laugh at how stupid you were.

If you cannot find your oldest friend on Facebook and Instagram, don’t worry. You created a personal diary! Maybe you were not regular but I know you’ve all begun sometime.

So read it again and travel back with words. It’s like looking at a word photo album. And it smells like an old friend.

This feeling is a “Dear Diary” moment.

Nostalgia, anyone?

3. Food!

I think women belong in the kitchen. Even men belong in the kitchen. Everyone belongs in the kitchen. Kitchen has food.

Now, I know this for sure; food makes everyone happy. The smell of a slice of pizza ringing on your doorbell jumps up your dopamine pleasure buttons and makes your head swirl in that beautiful mozzarella cheese.

I know your mouth is watering…

But I said before that this list is going to be healthy! And it is. So the delivery boy came to the wrong house.

Ugh.

But worry not, because I still have something that’s gonna make you happy.

FRUIT! And a vegetable salad.

A study done in Britain on over 80,000 people has proven that people who consume fruits and vegetables daily have a higher likelihood of life satisfaction and happiness.

But what about how tasty a pizza is?

The oily and greasy stuff may gratify your tongue for the time being, but junk food actually hampers your physical health and mental mood in the long-term.

What you seek is happiness, what you get is pleasure.

So what foods make you happy? Fruits that contain vitamin C, baby! It releases dopamine too. And what has Vitamin C? Fruits!

Also other nutrients contained in veggies and other fruits, like calcium, chromium and iron promote happiness.

Not convinced yet?

Healthy people are on an average 20% happier than pizza eaters. A whopping 20%!

You don’t want to miss out on that, do you?

4. Get That Vacuum Cleaner, Now!

I know I’m not your mom and you’ve moved away and you’re so grown up and a messy desk is a sign of creativity, but whatever.

Stop with the excuses already. You’re social animals, not wildlife animals. The jungle of your hair clogged in the bathroom or the smelly pillowcases or the heap of useless papers is not adaptable for you.

This clutter and mess is going to increase cortisol in your brain. You know what cortisol is, it’s a stress hormone, you fool.

And you’re going to catch a disease if you don’t take the trash out soon. And trust me, I know most of the trash is lying on the empty side of your bed.

I know you’re going to say you’re stressed because of work and busy. But hey, Scottish Health Survey has found that doing housework can reduce that – by 20%.

But are you so stressed that you cannot even sleep properly? Then make your bed child! It makes you 19% more likely to have a better quality of sleep.

Clear the clutter in your household to clear the clutter in your brains, kiddo.

Enough sounding like a mathematical mom.

5. Have A Genuine Interaction With A Stranger

I know I just scolded you to clean like your mother then I’m telling you to indulge with strangers.

I’m an unique mother.

Forget what your parents have taught you about never, ever interacting with a stranger. Become a grown-up and know when someone is offering candy to hit on you or to kidnap you.

If you count the number of unfamiliar faces you come across in a day, you’d run out of fingers. Can you even describe your mailman’s face to the police? Do you know if the Uber driver that came to pick you is the same from the picture that comes on his profile? How many neighbor’s names do you know?

You see a familiar face on bus every day and you know his stop but not his name. You never even tried to pass a smile.

I know you love your solitude and you don’t care about people. But just sometimes, strike up a conversation. People (named research) say it makes you happier.   

Social animals, not wildlife animals, remember?

The next time, talk to your neighbor. Ask what he does for a living. Or talk to your barista. Know where he is from. Or your cab driver. He might know an interesting place. Or the guy you see on the subway everyday. He might share a few hobbies.

Put the damn phone down and have real conversations.

Conclusion

If you’re upset or having a rough time, start to declutter the mess. Take out your vacuum cleaner. And now you’ve come across that old photo album, take a moment to visit it.

I know you’re hungry after all this cleaning. Don’t order a pizza, grab a fruit. 

If you’re still gloomy, buy me a beer. Maybe we could have a genuine conversation too.