9 Ways To Find Happiness Within Yourself

By Rochi | Motivation

Apr 08

Happiness seems a bunch of chaos.

What do you desire? A big car, maybe. A nice bungalow, maybe. A good reputation, maybe. A better earning job, maybe. A significant other, maybe.

But why do you desire all these?

To make yourself happy.

But google doesn’t answer everything. It is not gonna tell you what to do to make yourself happy.

If you microscope happiness, it looks close to you. No, not just in the obvious way, in the microscope. But close to your spirit. Because it is hidden in you.

There are certain myths about happiness, and certain misunderstandings. Pleasure is misunderstood for happiness like lust is for love.

Here, I give you 9 easily achievable ways to reach happiness. Not anywhere else, but, within yourself. Then you will realize, happiness had always been around the corner.

1. Meditation is the key

People have said this before and they will say it again. And again. And again. Until you sit to do it.

Meditation leads to a change in yourself. It leads to a change in the body, in the mind, in your spirit and your soul. Nothing quiets the mind as meditation.

For some, this idea may sound a bit quirky, to just sit down and do nothing. I know that in the start you may feel restless and unreasonable, but,  sometimes all you need to do is do nothing.

When you meditate, your mind becomes peaceful. It is called the tongue of the soul and language of the spirit. Meditation is a simple way to make your life happier.

There are different kinds of mediation: mindful, yogic, focused attention etc. You can practice any meditation according to your requirements.


Meditation has both physical and mental health benefits for you. It lowers blood pressure, reduces anxiety attacks, decreases tension, improves mood and enhances energy.

It has also been shown that your problems are likely to seem smaller when you mediate. Meditation cleanses the emotional mess in you. It also increases your level of feel-good chemicals, endorphin and serotonin.

Meditation also increases your capacity for happiness and reduces attacks of negativity in your life.

If you have never done this before, I recommend you to start small and slowly build up. There are also several applications to help you mediate. Always start with Headspace.

2.  Forgive and forget rather revenge and regret

The happiest people have the worst memory.

There are certain catastrophe in your life by your loved ones or a backstabber friend, which, you cannot forget. You have been cheated on or lied to or hurt or all of the above.

But the only solution now is to let go.

Not because they deserve it, but because you do.

The wisest is the one who forgives and the happiest is the one who forgets. Letting go of bitterness can work wonders in your life. There is no point either to hold on to negativity or past sadness. forgive and forget

I know a girl who had lost her mother in a car accident. She was small then, and had been mad at her mother for not staying for her birthday. In anger, she refused to forgive her, she hung up the call and refused to talk.

Her mother now cannot attend any of her birthdays. The only thing she regrets is not talking to her nicely, not forgiving her, not understanding her, when she should’ve.

I know it is extremely hard to forgive and even harder to forget, but always remember, nobody who loves you hurts you purposely. Be empathetic. Put yourself in their shoes. Mistakes are not done on purpose. But holding on to them is.

Forgiving people tend to be happier, healthier and more content while unforgiving people are anxious, depressed and neurotic. Revenge and holding on to a grudge can make you physically sick.

Un-forgiveness and holding on to bad memories has a negative impact on your happiness. If you seek revenge, there is nothing a better one than a happy life.

Life is too short hating anyone. And holding on to things. Let it go. Forgive. Forget. Move on.

3. Don’t let your thoughts define you

Your own thoughts depress you more than you think. They are the biggest bullies, the biggest cause of your unhappiness and the most unnecessary fuss.

I don’t mean that ‘thinking’ is bad. On the contrary, I think thinking is actually good. But considering your thoughts as your synonyms? A big, no.

Watch your thoughts like a third-party observer. When you try to control what you think and what you feel, you actually chase thoughts, clashing them with one another.

Your job was never to take hold of your thoughts. Your work was to just observe them. Let the mind think what it wants to. You relax, you watch and you let go.

When you enslave yourself to your negative thoughts, unhappiness is sure to creep in. Stop judging your thoughts. No, they aren’t wrong. And no, they aren’t right. They are just mere, opinions, perspectives or view.

The next time your mind pops up a pessimistic thought, like, considering yourself a “loser”, just monitor it. Remind yourself, that just thinking that does not mean that you are a loser.


Your thoughts are never really of the present, but of the past or the future. So stop focusing on them. Pay attention to the bigger picture, the now, because now is all you have.

The problem are not your thoughts, but your need to regulate them. You try to put in right thoughts, swaying away the wrong ones. You got it all wrong. The only thing you can do is, accept your emotions, feelings, thoughts as they really are.

Accept what you think or what you feel. Don’t control them. Don’t change them. Don’t run away from them.

Your only misshapen will be letting your thoughts cloud your happiness. Your feelings, emotions, thoughts are all harmless, until you believe them.

The primary cause of someone’s unhappiness is hardly the situation. It’s their thoughts about it.

Don’t let your thoughts empower you. You are much more than them.

4. You are just a tiny speck in the universe taking yourself seriously

Sorry to break the bubble, but whatever you are troubling yourself for, doesn’t even matter in this big, gorgeous, breathtaking universe.

The universe is so vast that your brain cannot even imagine. The earth’s diameter alone is 109 times small than that of the sun. In other words, you could make 109 earths lie down on the face of the sun.

Feel insignificant, if you will.

Sometimes, you just take things way too seriously than they actually were. No matter how serious you are about life, you are never going to get out of it alive, are you?

So it doesn’t really matter.

The happiest people I have known are the ones who make jokes constantly. They make jokes on people, on things, on tough situations, on my troubles but most of all, they make jokes on themselves.

The smart can have the courage to laugh on themselves. Life is really funny, if you look at it closely. Only if you could stop taking things so personally, laughter would make it’s way up to your mouth.

dont take yourself seriously

Nobody likes people who takes jokes seriously. There’s a reason they are jokes. Learn to take things lightly. Remember when you take a simple joke personally, that you aren’t the center of the universe.

I have a friend whom I reach out to in the tiniest of my problems. If you’re thinking it’s because he provides me solutions or helps me, you are absolutely wrong.

I turn to him because I know he can make jokes out of my troubles. I know he can make me dance at the madness, spin at the chaos and have fun. He will make me laugh at my own misery, and to be extremely shameful, I love it.

Every time you find humor in a difficult situation, whoa! You win.

People love being around someone who is humorous. Humor is sexy than anything else in this world. I have seen people be friends with someone because they’re funny, date someone because they’re funny and even hire someone because they’re funny.

Humor is a total win-win, everywhere. If you can have a funny outlook towards life, nothing ever seems difficult. And nothing ever seems to worry you or sadden you.

It’s gonna be weird. But laugh at yourself first. Laugh at how you got rejected, laugh at the stupidity of your needy relationships, laugh at the insanely problems and laugh away the sadness.

More than anything, have a humorous perspective because nothing is fun if you take it seriously.

Being serious is just a waste of time. You just miss out on all the loud laughter you could’ve had.

Still doesn’t help? Ask yourself these questions and tell me how it turns out.

5. Choose happiness

One day, I got up from the bed in the morning, nothing special about the day. Except the fact that I stopped letting situations bring me down. I started to be happy.

I did nothing extraordinary for my happiness. I just decided to be happy.

I chose happiness.

I chose not letting things upset me. I chose not letting people depress me. I chose not stressing over issues I cannot control. I chose to take things in an easygoing way. I chose to be happy.

And all you have to do is just this, choose.

Choose to have anxiety for the future or choose to enjoy the present. Choose to be angry from your dear ones for their honest mistake or choose to be the bigger person and forgive.

Choose to let circumstances upset you or choose to be happy.


The stupid settle for what they have. The wise choose. And who wouldn’t choose happiness? Happiness isn’t really complicated, isn’t really that far away. But your choice of being happy is.

It is never really that some person or some situation has made us unhappy. It’s all us. Think about it. If you choose to not let negative people affect you, they won’t.

How hard is that?

Every time you become sad, unhappy or worried, you have chosen to feel that. If you chose to be happy instead, you would be.

Most people are happy because they make their minds to be happy. They don’t have the best of everything, they chose the best out of everything.

If you want to be happy pal, then, be.

6. Don’t outsource your happiness

Knowingly or unknowingly, all of us are guilty of placing our happiness in the palms of somebody else.

Happiness can never be found on the outside. Pleasure can be, but never happiness.

Your happiness maybe in somebody else because you have started getting addicted to their company, you are emotionally dependent on them or you just rely on them to make you happy.

But, not to your big surprise, it’s nobody’s job to make you happy except yourself.

Depending on others for your happiness causes you to become unstable. It arises resentment in relationships. It upsets you when things don’t go according to you. It makes you unhappy.

Leo Babuta, in his blog on zen habits, has written that this dependence is started in the childhood itself. It begins when you seek your parents for validation, love, support and comfort.

But they’re parents, it’s their desire to pamper you and provide you everything you need. They do it out of love, which we as adults fail to recognize.

dont outsource happiness (2)

Nobody else is going to fulfill your emotional needs. Nobody is going to help you find peace in life. Nobody is gonna work according to your wants. Nobody is going to pamper you 24*7.

Nobody is going to make you happy.

Except you.

Take responsibility for what you feel. Blaming others for your unhappiness isn’t going to make you happy. Sit idle, watch your thoughts. Recognize what you are doing to cut out on your own happiness.

Stop seeking approval. Wear the dress because you like it. Get that haircut because you think it suits you. Stop asking for care. Get the ice cream because you want to make yourself feel better.

And most of all, stop loving others for them to love you back. Love others, just because it makes you happy.

7. Treat others the way you want to be treated

I have not seen one happy person who is mean. I have also not seen a mean person who isn’t unhappy. Have you?

Those bullies, those tantrum throwers, those spoilers are unhappy themselves. And this is the prime reason they love to mess with emotions. They feel bad themselves, and they want you to feel the same.

Happy people, on the contrary, make you feel better about yourself and treat you right.

Doing an act of kindness sends a chemical reaction within your body that actually makes you feel better. Nobody got sad by giving others happiness. Nobody got poor by giving.

Everybody makes mistakes, sure.

You are boarding the bus. You accidentally step on the foot of the near-door-seat man. He screams in your ears all kinds of hatred and abuses. You apologize and apologize, but he makes a scene for other passengers.

It’s hard not to get angry and start a fight.

But look at the bigger picture. He had been working all night because his family’s financial condition is not stable. He has not eaten since night and has failed to impress his boss. His wife is still refusing to understand that he’s working hard.

Now, would you scream back?

treat others right

Before getting angry, before increasing the volume of your tone, before screaming, before coming to a conclusion, put yourself in their shoes. Treat them then how you would like to be treated.

Mistakes are not done on purpose. Your dear ones don’t make mistakes solely to hurt you. Nobody normal does something to hurt someone purposely.

Be empathetic. Look situations from their perspective. When you treat others right, you feel better about yourself. You feel peaceful and content. And when you treat others well, they make sure to treat you better.

Compassion can do wonders in your life.

Smile at the stranger, get your mother some flowers, comfort someone when they’re sick, compliment someone for their work genuinely, help someone without asking anything in return. Little actions make big difference in your happiness.

Let go of the bitterness, of the anger, of the revenge. Let them shout at you for no reason, let them be mad. You just let go. Be generous. Be polite. No matter how hard it is.

Apologize again for the not-so-damaged foot, smile and take your seat.

Bonus: Enjoy watching them feel guilty.

8. Keep your friend circle small

The person with the highest number of Facebook friends, most number of Instagram followers and the longest list of WhatsApp contacts, isn’t the happiest.

Though it may seem like he is.

A study published in Journal Of Personality  has found that people with a small friend circle are happier than the ones who socialize a lot.

This experiment was conducted by Maine on 16,000 people for 4 years. Outgoing people were surely more happier but, gradually, they became introverted and avoided new friendships or relationships.

By this, I don’t mean that you cut all your friends off.

But the less people you chill with, the less bullshit you deal with. Stick with the relationships that really matter.

keep your circle small

Life is too short for unnecessary, forced, undesirable friendships. Cling to the ones that really matter.

All of us have friends which we are not actually sure are friends. They are more of acquaintances, sometimes more of disliked people and sometimes the negativity spreader friend.

Well, stop the formality, hang out with the ones you like, you love.

Having more friends might seem cool to the society, but who cares as long as you are happy. Walk out on the people you don’t like or even you simply don’t care about.

It’s not just better for you, but for them too.

9. Close the TV and Open the book

Get up from the couch, now. It has been enough.

A study named Social Indicators Research has found the distinction in habits of happy and unhappy people by conducting an experiment on 30,000 adults.

Watching television might seem pleasure for you at the moment, but it adds little positive value in the long run.

Researchers Robinson and Martin saw that the habits of happy and unhappy people over a period of 30 years was largely the same; with the exception of watching television.

Bad news to the couch-bags.


Happy people were likely to read or socialize in their spare time while unhappy people were likely to watch TV. No wonder, since tying yourself to a sofa requires no effort.

You don’t have to get a good book, strain your mind to read and focus or dress up and meet your loved ones. It’s pretty much easy and also pretty much unhappy.

The University of Maryland has also found that the more spare hours one got, the more hours of watching TV increased. Also, unhappy people had much more spare time (51%) than very happy people (19%).

I know sitting in front of the television is addictive. But get up, before unhappiness becomes an unwanted addiction too.

I leave it up to you now, as I have a little reading left to do.

Tell me how these ways worked out for you in the comment section below.

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